Raising Resilient Kids in a Distracted World

Written by Caden Gravley, MA, LPC, NCC

Why Teens and Young Adults Are Struggling

How Did We Get Here?

It’s a familiar scene in many homes: a parent trying to help with homework at the end of a busy day. Questions turn into tension, and frustration builds as patience wears thin. The next thing you know, it's 10:30 and homework remains undone, bedtime routines are off track, and stress is high. Add in the last-minute project your youngest child suddenly remembers, or the notification you received that a “0” has appeared in your middle child’s math class, and the pressure only grows. 

With the on-demand access parents have to children’s academic standings, extracurricular involvement, and screen times - paired with parent's own constant access to work, and social media notifications, it's worth asking: will the noise ever stop? 

Society today looks drastically different from what it did twenty years ago. Although it may feel recent, the release of the iPhone was 18 years ago. Many of the students who are about to graduate high school have never known what life without a smartphone looks like. According to Pew Research, in 2025, 95% of teens in the U.S. have access to a smartphone. It is time to face a simple reality: technology is involved in almost every aspect of our daily life. 

Whether your child is navigating their first phone in middle school, or negotiating independence in high school, the challenges parents face are surprisingly similar. Children and teens rely on trusted adults for guidance in various areas of life; it’s worth questioning why technology is sometimes treated as an area where boundaries are optional. 

Some parents may read this and think: “This doesn’t relate to us, our household has clear boundaries with screens.” For many families that is true, and as a counselor, I feel genuine relief when parents tell me this. Unfortunately, no amount of screen monitoring software, supervision apps, and well-intended conversations can fully prepare families for the environment that children are growing up in today. This reality arrived quickly, and it became a way of life we are all learning how to navigate. It is important to remember that children's brains did not evolve at the same speed as technology has. 

Why Boundaries Matter for Developing Brains

There’s a reason your car insurance rates increase when a teenage driver is added. The part of your brain responsible for judgment and foresight is still developing as a teen. Adults understand this concept in theory, however they often forget it when it comes to screens. We expect adult-level self-regulation from brains that are not yet built for it, especially when it comes to digital environments that are engineered for instant rewards. 

Boundaries held by parents throughout the teenage years are a form of care. Maintaining boundaries in the digital age is difficult, but necessary for healthy development. Although boundaries have become something of a buzzword, it’s important to clarify what is meant here: a boundary is a fixed limit. As individuals responsible for children and teens, we decide what behaviors we are willing to accept and what environments we are allowing our kids to grow up within. Teenagers crave freedom, but they thrive when they are given choices within a structured environment. 

What Boundaries Provide (Emotionally & Neurologically)

Boundaries give a sense of stability in our lives, something teenagers desperately need during a stage of life where almost everything feels uncertain. Teenagers today face more decisions, stimuli, and social input than previous generations ever did. Even when it appears that they have it “easy,” the impacts of their environment without consistent adult guidance is impossible to ignore.

The U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory in 2023 noted that “Nearly a third (31%) of social media use may be attributable to self-control challenges magnified by habit formation.”

 In other words, when self-regulation is still developing, constant access to high-reward digital content places a neurological burden on teenagers that even adults struggle to manage consistently. 

This is where adult leadership matters most. Rather than expecting teens to regulate environments that are engineered to capture attention, adults can create predictable routines, and verbalize expectations of habits to help support healthier relationships with screens. 

A Gentle Call to Action for Parents

I want to take a moment to speak directly to parents reading this: I see you.  You’re not alone in this struggle. In fact, one study found that nearly 70% of parents say that parenting is now more difficult than it was 20 years ago, largely due to technology. If you’re thinking, “That’s fine, but the snowball is already halfway down the hill,” you’re not wrong. 

Here’s the good news: you are still the adult in your home. And that means you set the tone. Creating a consistent environment is one of the most powerful ways to prevent screens from becoming the central force of family life. 

If you’re not sure where to start, just remember, small changes matter. Screen-free zones in the home, tech-free meals, or using a screen-time jar where additional screen time is earned through responsibility are simple, realistic steps. (Examples are available under the ‘Resources’ section of my website)

As a counselor who works with teens and families, I often meet parents not because something is “wrong,” but because they want support navigating boundaries in a world that didn’t exist when they were growing up. Lastly, one of the most effective ways to help teens change their relationship with screens is for adults to reflect on and, when needed, adjust their own relationship with screens as well. 

You don’t need perfection. You need consistency and courage to change the way things are in your current circumstances. Boundaries aren’t about punishment or control. They are about creating an environment where children can grow into healthy, resilient adults, even in a distracted world. 

Disclaimer: This article is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as therapy, diagnosis, or treatment. The perspectives shared reflect professional experience and current research, but individual needs vary. For personalized support, please consult a licensed mental health professional.